Posts Tagged ‘humor



27
Aug
10

Yes, I

love grape Bubble Yum.
not a good bookmark though. guess
who’s covering the fine.

26
Aug
10

Unironically

Golfer Furyk DQd
Because he overslept.
It’s only fair;
Rules are rules, says Tiger

24
Aug
10

Disturbing

I’m becoming concerned about what Dad eats
But Mom says we can’t control it.
A cup of oatmeal
Mug of 1% milk
Half a can of peaches
With his morning pills
A retainer band
Cork stopper for a jar
Four tiny rubber tires
And their antique police car
Two slices of bologna
A burger with Tillamook cheese
A coffee drink
More milk
Three wayward Canadian geese
Grape juice
Some horseradish
The remote for Mom’s TV
Gherkins
A baby gate
Candy canes from 2006
Our coffee table
Two slices of Cheddar
A bottle of Diet Coke
One Chinese dinner
With fortune cookie
A wood-handled leather jump rope
I’ve been very concerned about what Dad eats
But Mom-
BURRRRRRP
Mom?
Mom was right; we couldn’t control it.

25
Feb
10

Who Buys These?

I’ll admit it’s been quite a while since I used them
But aren’t condoms intended for having sex with a human?
I ask because today in the prophylactic aisle of my local Safeway-
How appropriate, huh?- I saw something that made me smile
But then it made me wonder if what goes on beneath the covers
Or in a restaurant bathroom or under a tree has changed a lot.
In big letters on the bright yellow background of a smaller box
On the front of a shiny black box of Trojan Magnums was the notation
“Now even warmer.” How hot do you need a condom to become?
If you’re not fornicating with a corpse or using some sort of erotic
Appliance- that is to say bluntly if there’s sufficient man meat
Involved to justify the appellation “Magnum”- shouldn’t there also
Be enough body heat coming from the two of you and not the condom?
(Labeling them according to who’s to receive the pleasure-
Her or both of you as if while she’s receiving pleasure
You’re mentally rearranging spice jars and bored out of your skull-
Is odd and twisted in its own unique way
But I’ll take that up in a different poem on- yes- a different day.)

23
Feb
10

Never Minds

coffee’s gone; she didn’t
make more. she’ll blame it on her
age but she’s just mean.