Posts Tagged ‘humor



24
Aug
10

Disturbing

I’m becoming concerned about what Dad eats
But Mom says we can’t control it.
A cup of oatmeal
Mug of 1% milk
Half a can of peaches
With his morning pills
A retainer band
Cork stopper for a jar
Four tiny rubber tires
And their antique police car
Two slices of bologna
A burger with Tillamook cheese
A coffee drink
More milk
Three wayward Canadian geese
Grape juice
Some horseradish
The remote for Mom’s TV
Gherkins
A baby gate
Candy canes from 2006
Our coffee table
Two slices of Cheddar
A bottle of Diet Coke
One Chinese dinner
With fortune cookie
A wood-handled leather jump rope
I’ve been very concerned about what Dad eats
But Mom-
BURRRRRRP
Mom?
Mom was right; we couldn’t control it.

25
Feb
10

Who Buys These?

I’ll admit it’s been quite a while since I used them
But aren’t condoms intended for having sex with a human?
I ask because today in the prophylactic aisle of my local Safeway-
How appropriate, huh?- I saw something that made me smile
But then it made me wonder if what goes on beneath the covers
Or in a restaurant bathroom or under a tree has changed a lot.
In big letters on the bright yellow background of a smaller box
On the front of a shiny black box of Trojan Magnums was the notation
“Now even warmer.” How hot do you need a condom to become?
If you’re not fornicating with a corpse or using some sort of erotic
Appliance- that is to say bluntly if there’s sufficient man meat
Involved to justify the appellation “Magnum”- shouldn’t there also
Be enough body heat coming from the two of you and not the condom?
(Labeling them according to who’s to receive the pleasure-
Her or both of you as if while she’s receiving pleasure
You’re mentally rearranging spice jars and bored out of your skull-
Is odd and twisted in its own unique way
But I’ll take that up in a different poem on- yes- a different day.)

23
Feb
10

Never Minds

coffee’s gone; she didn’t
make more. she’ll blame it on her
age but she’s just mean.

09
Feb
10

0630

I’m taking the bus home this afternoon and I want you to be there early.
No, seriously. There’s no reason you can’t be there at least by 2:30.
So, when the big hand starts creeping around you need to just drop
Whatever you’re working on and drive down to the bus stop.
I look stupid if I’m standing there long after the bus
Has left. Get there early, please, so we don’t have the same kind of fuss
As yesterday. Of course, we might get enough people to practice; that’d be great
Because we have a tournament tomorrow. So I might be too late
For the bus. And if it’s sunny then I may just walk
Up the hill anyway. If I see Justine, I need to grab her because we need to talk
About the party this weekend. I had such a good time Saturday when I went to John Wu’s.
I think this is another party for someone’s birthday. I don’t remember whose
And, of course, their birthday has already passed.
But who is it? I’ll ask Justine. Maybe someone in our English class.
But probably I’ll be on the bus. So please be there on time. I hate looking like the last mangey pup
In the basket who nobody wants. And if I’m not there, you can just drive out to school and pick me up.

07
Feb
10

Traveling Light

Grabbed a Coke, Cheetos,
A clean pair of undies: Road
Trip! I call shotgun!

06
Feb
10

Giver/Receiver

Giver
the best present for
me is watching you open
yours so hurry up!

Receiver
if you’d been paying
attention, there’s no way you
would have bought me this.

29
Jan
10

Boxers/Briefs

Boxers
to fall for a guy
who has cauliflower ears
is cheesy I know.

Briefs
you sit your mount well;
please, ease up on how freely
you’re using the crop.