Posts Tagged ‘anticipation

01
Dec
09

Tumble

Sitting on an inner tube at the top of the hill,
Shivering from- cold? adrenaline? anticipation?- till you
Slipped your arms around me, pulling me
Snugly against your warm body. Holding tight, I leaned back… back. In
Slow motion we started our descent, but you expertly
Steered us toward the welcoming sofa, your lips moving against mine-
Softly at first- while my heart swooped and careered.
Suddenly, though by nature a flightless bird, I am free and
Soaring above the surface of the frozen lake. Coming to earth at last with a
Slight bump, I am exhilarated, breathless, eager to return to the
Summit.

[Thanks for the title @Astrogirl426.]

19
Mar
09

SSDD?

When I heard you were still with your girlfriend, I was surprised.
When I heard our child had sat waiting while you had your pre-sex blood tests, I was disgusted.
At bottom, I was hopeful.
Not that she would cure you.
That you were moving forward, leaving some of the hatred and bitterness behind.

We’ve been waiting to hear from you about your plans for Christmas break.
“Maybe he’s on his honeymoon,” my mother said.
“Maybe he’s busy attending Lamaze classes because his girlfriend is pregnant with triplets,” my mother said.
I said that you’d better name one after me in gratitude for the vasectomy you never got.
“Maybe he’s in Federal prison,” my mother said.
“Maybe you should stop making up stories about my father,” Anna said.
I considered how often we are different people when we’re with different people.
Your answer must be delayed because you were so busy, your life so full of new people and new growth.
I was even a little envious.

Tonight, at last, you called.
You’d been waiting to see what your schedule would be and where our child might fit in.
I learned that while we have both changed our addresses only one of us has changed location.
I am now living in the tense called anticipatory future:
Our daughter might job-shadow an engineer.
It looks like I will finish all the presents before Christmas Eve.
Will you really have fireworks for New Year’s?
You are still living in the accusatory past:
I have raised our daughter to be a fearful, neurotic mess.
I have lived in such a way that she has no valid model for male/female relationships.
I have manipulated information and the Social Services system to wrongfully gain custody of her so that it is impossible for her life to be any less wretched than I have made yours.

Prozac, poetry, and frequent exposure to babies flinging lemon gelatin changed me.
Et tu?
What will it take?
Honeymoon?
Lamaze classes?
Triplets?
Federal prison?
Lobotomy?
I remain
Hopeful.

30
Dec
08

Timing

It’s ten of ten- 2150.
A cup of steaming chai,
A ripe tangelo,
I looked forward to this time all afternoon.
A moment like this would be good to share.
(I bought two tangelos in anticipation of what?)
Could be the work of an instant to knock on a door…
But now is too late and too early to take that step.