21
Mar
09

The Mug

That brown mug on the counter from Sequoia National Park. See
It? My boyfriend cares more about that mug than he does me.
Why do I say that?
When he comes home every day, before he talks to the cat
And before I can give him a hug
And ask how his day was he’s got to find that goddamned mug
And fill it up.
I am totally serious when I tell you that thing nearly split us up.
Last month my mom came to stay with us.
Now she’s an old school clean freak and I knew she’d probably fuss
At me for my cleaning. And, of course, I hid the mug because I thought, “Aw, shit.
She’s gonna see that and she’s gonna have to wash it.”
Which no one and I do mean no one is allowed to do.
Cross my heart and swear to God. I’m telling you
It does not go into the dishwasher. It doesn’t get washed by hand. There is no cleaning
Allowed when it comes to that mug. I asked him, “Why?” and his reasoning
Was if he goes to- let’s say- a mountain
And there’s no snack bar and no coffee and the only place to get a drink is the water fountain
He could run some water in there and stir it with his finger or swirl it around a few times
And while everyone else was suffering from caffeine withdrawal, he’d be fine.
So I hid the mug and figured while Mom was there he could use
Something else. She left, he asked me where it was, I was tired and couldn’t remember and he just blew a fuse.
He was slamming cupboard doors and yelling and accusing me of breaking this
Stupid mug. I said, “You need to calm down and straighten up because I’m just not taking this
Kind of treatment.” He said, “Sorry” and for about half
An hour we both looked. He found it first and started to laugh
Because after all the trouble I took and he took to preserve the old
Coffee the mug was gonna have to be washed anyway to kill the mold
Growing at the bottom of the cup.
You know, there’s all kinds of crazies in the world
And- now that he’s calmed down- if this is as weird as his weirdness gets I consider myself a very lucky girl.
And I’m glad we didn’t break up.

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