The Thomas Malthus Dayschool

Welcome to Thomas Malthus Dayschool-
Yes, the first of its kind in the nation-
Begun with the idea children alone
Could solve the problems of surplus population.

Rudiments of academics are presented
As governing laws insist.
Not the mission of our school
So we adhere to the minimum standards in this.

We serve three meals and snacks each day.
Controllable conditions start out fair.
We check students for outside injuries
Or parasites on their body or hair.

Students who remain viable at the end of the day-
In crude terms, “still standing at five”-
Are assumed to be faster, smarter, and stronger;
They’re better-suited to produce offspring who will thrive.

You might believe such a program to be exclusive
And I’ll confess that’s how Thomas Malthus is
But wait- you should know we have legacy slots available
And especially deserving children somersault to the head of the list.

If you favor education with little adult intrusion;
You want your children competitive, prepared for whatever our country’s future may bring.
I encourage you to apply for space for them at Thomas Malthus.
For the problems we face, you’ll agree it’s just the thing.


1 Response to “The Thomas Malthus Dayschool”

  1. January 15, 2009 at 13:12

    Brilliant. “Apply for space,” indeed.

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